and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
