i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
