Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When did angry sex become our thing?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
