Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize