when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize