it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
