please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
