I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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