Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hippo gnu deer
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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