Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
