and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
