Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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