just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
