so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize