Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
