I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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