just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
