i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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