So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
