And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
