Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
