at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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