I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
