batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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