Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
