I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
