So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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