My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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