So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
