Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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