Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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