We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
