just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
