I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize