hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
