i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
