where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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