worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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