does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
