at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
