I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
