what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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