I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
