yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
