I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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