She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
