What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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