4 words: hood of his car
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
