i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
