It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
