God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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