i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
