i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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