Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize