One girl and one boy is just not enough.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
