Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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