so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm both gender and math confused
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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