this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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