I can text with my tongue
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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