My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dear god my vagina.
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