I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
