U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we made out on top of his cat.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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