Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
