If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
