how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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