After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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