I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
