I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
