he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
