Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
