You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
