my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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