You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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