It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
