what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
