we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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