A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
