I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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