i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
