It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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