Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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