just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
