So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
