yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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