Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
