even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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