there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think people are normalizing furries
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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