Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
