There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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