I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
