Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
