the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I take back everything I said about communal showers
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
