I'm gonna have a badass scar
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
