i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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