Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
