DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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