I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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