She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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