If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
