It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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