Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
