Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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