My room smells like vodka and shame
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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