I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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