yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
